What Women Want

As my time here winds down I realized I have written very little about my other project which is teaching English at "Casa Mujer Teclina" or the City Office for Women. This project rose out of my own curiosity as the director of Casa Mujer was at our host family's house for a dinner party in mid-October. She and I got to talking about ways to empower women and she mentioned wanting to offer English classes...so of course I volunteered. Each morning I have a group of faithful students- women who are local community members, many of them disadvantaged looking to become more financially independent or able to find jobs in the workforce. We all believe that the stronger skill set you have and if you are able to support yourself you never will be dependent on a man and therefore less likely to end up in an abusive relationship. Other programs at Casa Mujer include counseling services for domestic violence, trainings for other groups about violence against women and a newly formed coalition of women dedicated to ending violence against women in their community. My sister joked about how it’s amazing I've come all this way but end up working in exactly the same subject area.
So my class is adorable. They are such enthusiastic students. We vary in size but tend to be around 10-12. This week we are working on vocabulary for visiting the US-as they all vow to come to New York City now.
This past week was also dedicated to raising awareness of violence against women. I was lucky to participate in some of the events. Monday we had a public movie viewing of a Mexican film entitled "Cicatrices" or "Scars" - very powerful, however of course I disagreed with the ending because the man changes. There was so much I wanted to say in the after-movie discussion but simply didn't have the vocabulary. Thursday there was training for male police officers. I stopped in to see what they were doing. To my excitement they were working on defining "what is a man" (see pictures) talking about the stereotypes and pressures of Latin men! Amazing project. Finally on Friday there was a huge fair in the park- information, education and induction. All of the government agencies attended with information about abuse for the public, there was a really intense play about sexual abuse in the schools (once again Deborah and I always end up watching interpretive theatrical pieces it was a bit confusing but we got the overall idea) and then many of the women I work with were inducted into a new network of women dedicated to "protecting the community against violence against women"- They all pledged to never close their eyes to the violence, and got really nice t-shirts (I got one too!).

All of these activities, my class, the projects, trainings and events have been truly inspiring and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to share in this work. Its clear, women want justice, women want to be heard, to be self-sufficient, to be leaders, to be respected and while we still have a long way to go in many respects, I think we are beginning to get exactly what we want.

p.s. If I return here my project is definitely going to be a national campaign to end "hissing at women in the streets". Even on days I look like an absolute disaster (which is often) I still hear "ssss...chica" or "venga bebe". Ewh- stop staring and go learn English why don't you...at least if you're gonna catcall me, let it be in my own language.

Nadie Te Ama Como Yo...

(No one loves you like I)...Before I left, everyone joked about how I was going to come to El Salvador and fall in love with some Latin man...I scoffed and said it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. And then it happened.
His name is Carlos Alexander and he's eight years old. In all seriousness, as I write about the experience I had this weekend, I realize this blog might be more of a personal journey entry, but it’s how I'm feeling right now.
This past weekend I was invited by Walter (who is a volunteer from Hogar para Ninos and friend) to help facilitate in a 3 day spiritual retreat (or equipo as its called) for the teenagers. For three full days I lived at the orphanage. We all slept in the same building, ate together and prayed together. I cannot put into words how powerful this experience was for me. Walter organized this entire event and had some of his fellow church group friends facilitate most of the weekend. We talked openly about spirituality, sexuality, relationships, friendships and ambitions for life. We prayed traditionally, we sang prayers, we prayed in silence. For my TUS alums, it was similar to our peer ministry/senior retreats. Some highlights included a bonfire that we created and burned papers that held our sins, a blindfolded walk over stones to represent having to go through tough times before finding peace and the celebration of mass together where we all received blessed crosses. In our down time, we sat around talking, playing, bonding. Incidentally, Walter and I happened to show up on Friday morning dressed identically, completely unplanned so the kids had a field day with that calling us "Mickey and Minnie" for the entire weekend.

Saturday night at the retreat the theme was "family". We all sat in a circle on the floor, in darkness with the exception of one lit candle in the center. A facilitator told her story of her broken childhood. She then played one of the most heart-wrenching and beautiful songs I've ever heard about losing loved ones. And their eyes began to flow tears like I've never seen before. I sat there in the darkness simply holding these children. In one arm a 14 year old who I've always known as "Mr. Cool, calm and collected" sobbed and in the other arm, a 12 year old who was forced away from abusive parents as a kid held onto me crying into my sweater. All I could think was "I wish I had arms large enough to just hold all of them". We then listened to another song entitled" Nadie te ama como Yo" about how God's love for us is so beyond our understanding. And I found clarity.

I sat there holding, hugging, comforting and found a peace that I've never felt before in my life. I felt this peace that I am in the right place that this is what I can do. This is my gift. I've always felt that I have so much love inside of me to give, but no place for it go and now here I am in this place where it is so needed. Perhaps I sound egotistical. Their stories are all so sad, and while they are so well taken care of in physical sense at the Hogar, they are not nurtured emotionally.

After the kids went to sleep (at 1am) Walter and I sat up talking until 3 in the morning about that night. I talked about how powerful it had been and how strongly I loved these kids. He gave me what might be the most incredible compliment I've ever received from anyone in my life. I was talking about how hard it is for me because I can't communicate with words what I want to say so often. And he said "You don't need to, you speak with your heart, we all understand perfectly". He then shared with me a poem he wrote for me about the simpleness of my hands that he sees at work there. It was so moving. We both were sitting there crying like fools, exhausted, unable to express exactly what we wanted to say because of the language barrier and at the same time completely able to understand each other's feelings about our experiences with the kids. We made a promise that if I didn't find whatever it was I looking for in the US, I would come back. As long as I live the images from that night will be in my mind, but moreover the feeling of so blessed that God gave me the gifts, this heart and these opportunities, is something I will do everything in my power to hold onto.

While he was not on the retreat, Carlos and I did have the opportunity to spend time together this weekend. In a moment while we were playing he accidentally called me "mom". My heart broke and at the same time, was so filled with this unconditional love.

I realize this all sounds rather corny or perhaps egotistical. Perhaps it is, but I can't put into words how happy and filled I feel- it is in moments like sitting around with my girls talking about if I wear a thong in the United States, or when Bryan and I, at 7 am on a Sunday were playing ping-pong, or when Carlos runs to hold my hand (so we could go to communion together). They have all become so special to me, I've gotten to know them and they have gotten to know me. I don't know how I'm going to leave.

Hogar translates from the spanish to "home". Home is a place of comfort, happiness and peace. My heart has found home.

Link to some amazing photos:http://picasaweb.google.com/VictoriaLHertlein/EquipoHogarParaNinos#

8th grade dances rock my world

You haven't lived until you've attended an 8th grade dance in a Latin American country.

Recently I had this opportunity and frankly it was one of the best parties I've ever attended. In all seriousness, one of my final days working at the school "Las Dispensas" happened to be the 8th grade end of the year "Grand Ball". After paying my entrance fee of 25cents, I got to enjoy the music, awkward dance moves and body odor associated with all 8th grade dances across the world. However, getting to party with my students and just let loose was truly one of my most memorable experiences here in El Salvador. After weeks of nouns, verbs and adjectives it was a blast to salsa, reggaeton and bailar loco with these kids. (Chris, I needed you-remember our swing moves from the last night in Costa Rica!?) It was just innocent fun and although I can't tell if the kids are laughing at me or with me, for that afternoon language didn't matter...only your moves did.

Additionally, I was humbled by an invitation from my students for a "thank you" lunch. Deborah, Marla and I were treated to traditional Salvadorian fare (amazing fried yuka and tamales!) (not so amazing cake from Mr. Cakes- an affiliate of the Mr. Donut chain not surprisingly) and we were serenaded by my 7th graders. So adorable. Also attending our lunch were the disorganized school prinipal, her partner who also teaches at the school, Miss El Salvador wanna-be science teacher, creepier math teacher who sent me that hilarious email about "tuna get together" (sorry for those of you who didn't get that forward) and my pal the out-of-his mind english teacher who swears that English sounds better when an angel like me teaches it. It was quite a way to end my tenure at Las Dispensas.

(see video below and link to photos)

More pictures:http://picasaweb.google.com/VictoriaLHertlein/LasDispensas?feat=directlink

an uphill battle

Last time I climbed a volcano (two weeks ago), we had the luxury of driving the car directly to the crater. No so this time. Yesterday my sister, two other volunteers, our coordinator Joaquin and I scaled Volcan Santa Ana- the tallest volcano here in El Salvador. And at 7,812 ft above sea level we had a lot of climbing to do. Well Joaquin had told us to be prepared it was going to be a challenge, I must admit that I didn't fully believe him. (He has a tendency to exaggerate the difficult of physical activity). We began our trek and leisurely strolled through the "cerro verde" forrest. I began to wonder if I should have stayed in bed. When we reached the "look out point", we in fact couldn't see a thing as the cloud cover was so thick. Two hours into this trek I was ready to abandon mission...and then the real climb began. Suddenly the lush forrest gave way to ash, rubble and steep rocks for us to scale. Now three hours into this adeventure I was weary. As we walked through what looked like a nuclear wasteland, in and out of clouds, exhausted and thirsty, I truly felt like we were in one of those NBC end-of-the-world disaster mini-series. And then we reached the summit.
Incredible. The volcano which erupted just five years ago, had carved out a lake (green from the sulfur) and left essentially no vegetation anywhere. There we stood at the top of El Salvador.
The trip to reach the top of this volcano reminds me a lot of my feelings about El Salvador, the country, as a whole- a constant uphill battle. This country has so much potential but everything here always ends up becoming more complicated, more difficult, than it needs to be. You start of cruising and by the end, can barely manage to go on. For example, this country's tourism industry. You start of with all of these amazing landmarks, sites and cultures- perfect for tourists. But unlike its neighbors, El Salvador doesn't even have a tourism department. As you travel to learn there are no banks or hotels or businesses that except traveler's cheques (or sometimes foreign credit cards). There are no roads that link certain parts of the country to major cities. To navigate here as a foreigner you are constantly fighting an uphill battle. An to no fault of its own, the country just can't seem to get ahead. Everytime they make progress some natural disaster (flood, earthquake or hurricane) "erupts" and leaves the country in ashes.
This story sums it up perfectly- (this is how everything seems to go here) A few years ago a hotel was developed in the area near Santa Ana Volcano. It was a beautiful hotel that prided itself on the amazing views of the volcano- a resort with pools, restaurants and tours. The day it opened for business, the volcano erupted (for the first time in centuries) and destroyed the resort.
the climb was worth it... I hope it is for El Salvador someday too.

Link to photos:

http://picasaweb.google.com/VictoriaLHertlein/VolcanSantaAna#

Where the streets have no name...Our Journey to Nicaragua

While they have made some advances in recent times, it is true Nicaragua is a country where the streets have no names. Rather than a formal address you have a location or a point of interest that directs you to your destination. For example, your address might be "two blocks off the main road, past the church, next to the old well" or "left at the fork in the road, across from the doctor's office". It has always been this way and while Nicaragua has its share of modern luxuries, majority of its heritage remains in place (wherever that might be).
I must confess that I, for the most part I did not see the "real Nicaragua" on this trip. Nicaragua is one of the poorest countries in the world and while I certainly witnessed signs of it (little children asking if they could finish my plate at an outdoor restaurant), I had more adventure and tourism in Nicaragua.
After a 9 and 1/2 hour bus ride (that left at 3:00am!) we arrived in Managua the Capital of Nicaragua. We had the opportunity to stay with a ex-pat friend of a friend from NY, Justin Westbrook. A former Mississippi man, living in Nicaragua where he owns his own business and factory, Justin was the ultimate host and gave these two girls much needed respite. His home became our home for five days and we lived in luxury. A swimming pool in the yard, an amazing hot shower (with water pressure!!!!!) and he has fabulous tastes- we dined on cheeses that Deborah and I had fantasized about for the last two months, toasted wine and grilled steak.
As you can see from the pictures we truly went adventuring. Visiting Volcan Masaya (an active volcano) was probably one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my travels. We got right up to its edge to view the smoke and ash. Incredible! Also, we had the opportunity to do a six mile kayak trip in Central America's largest lake, Lake Nicaragua. It was so serene and the views were breathtaking. Towards the end of the trip we paddled out of the inlets and into the main lake where we hit some outrageous waves. I've never kayaked in waves like that before but it was so much fun! My arms hurt at the end, but it was well worth it. Visiting Granada, one of the oldest cities in Central America we saw traces of Nicaragua's glory and violent history. We also met some older tourists from Long Island who told us we restored their faith in the youth of american by volunteering. This was of course said while the woman harshly shooed away a poor begging child. Anyway...
We also swam in the crystal waters of Lake Apoyo (after hiking a 900 foot decent down the mountain to it, where I was convinced I was going to hack it. It was the most intense hike Deborah and I had ever done, but the destination made it worthwhile). And who could forget the champagne brunch that Justin treated us to at one of the nicest hotels in Managua (of course I should have known better than to drink champagne and got all emotional talking about suffering in the world) but then we went back to the house and watched the Motorcylce diaries so I felt better.

I can't even say that I lived like the "other half" in Nicaragua because its more like 5% have the opportunities that we did while visiting. However I can say, Nicaragua is a beautiful beautiful country with an interesting and violent history. Yet, I felt safer there and calmer. There is an ease to life, a calmness about people and places that I do not find in El Salvador or when I visited Honduras last spring. And amidst all of its struggles, it is a country filled with color. I felt more alive just being surrounded by the vibrant flowers, brilliant paints on the sides of houses or the open land.
I fell in love with the country, its charm, its history and its people. And while I'm sure I was a little buzzed from all that hot shower water, I know there is something more to this feeling than just living in luxury for a week.
I will return to this country one day and happily wander around the streets with no names...

Or maybe I liked it all so much because the National beer is "Victoria".

Link to photos:

http://picasaweb.google.com/VictoriaLHertlein/Nicaragua#